the dumber they are the harder they fall

Retail hold-ups and robberiesserve as a tent pole on the policeblotter of just about every local newspaper. And while most of these crimes tendto follow a simple formula—thief holds upstore at gun/knifepoint; thief takes moneyand runs; thief (hopefully) gets caught by thepolice—some that are a bit more unorthodox and slip through the cracks. Here’s asmall sampling of some of the more unusualand sometimes humorous attempted c-storehold-ups that have taken place in recentmonths. And remember, while crime neverpays, it doesn’t seem to make anyone anysmarter either.

  • Got gas?

    Rising gas prices seem to beaffecting the criminal world as well as lawabiding citizens. In Royal Oaks, Mich., a mandecided to rob a 7-Eleven store with a hidden weapon. The thief quickly escaped thestore only to have his getaway truck run outof gas a mile down the road. Suspiciouspolice officers responding to the clerk’s 911calls found the pulled over vehicle, matchedthe driver up with the description and made the arrest. For the record, the 7-Eleven inquestion sells gasoline.

  • A man and his axe. A Mt. Pleasant,Texas, man decided to take an axe to theeconomy—quite literally. Jeffery Ray Davis,35, turned himself in after being caught bysurveillance cameras while attempting todestroy an ATM with the chopping device.Davis attacked three different ATMs andwas unable to open any of them, despitecausing thousands of dollars in damage.Davis and his axe turned out to be about assharp as a bowling ball.
  • Cleaning up the criminals. As if therewas any question, the squeegee has beenfound to be mightier than the sword. In orderto defend himself and his store while beingheld up at knifepoint, a clerk at a Boise, Idaho, 7-Eleven attacked the robber with a long-handled squeegee. After using the squeegee to disarmthe robber, the clerk further used his weapon of choice to detain the robber in acorner until police arrived. No word onwhether the clerk also checked his oil.
  • Forget met not. And while the squeegeemay be mightier than the sword, that didn’tstop a robber in Perth, Australia from brandishing a rapier anyway. Using an ornamental sword, a robber forced the attendant at alocal gas station to load a bag with thestore’s cash and several packs of cigarettes. But the forgetful felon inexplicably lefthis bag of loot on the front counter as hefled on foot. After realizing his mistake, therobber then went back to the station once itwas closed and begged them to reopen sohe could recover the loot he initially intendedto steal. The station attendant called thepolice while continuing to deny the brazenburglar entry to the store. Police were ableto arrive at the store and apprehend thegenius fleeing the station, sword and all.
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